Parenting Gut Check A

OK, so over the last 3 years I have had many parenting gut checks. For the purposes of this experience, I'm starting with A.

Our family, my father, husband, and myself, have been struggling with our little girl (3) with listening to us and following directions. It is constant that we ask her something and she says "in a minute" or "after this" or "when I'm ready".  Often this happens when we are trying to get out the door to go somewhere or in a hurry for some reason or another. We are always in a hurry these days.

I was getting so frusterated with her and not sure of where to turn for advice.

I didn't have to go anywhere. God put it in my lap.

While reading The Lost Art of Listening by Michael P Nichols, PhD, I was gut punched. I was so taken aback and shameful that I left my reading, found my husband and told him what needed to change for me. I have learned that I need to use I statements and not we, then things sometimes change but I'll take ownership and hopefully the others will too.

In the section "The Listened-To Child is a Confident Child" (pg 36), it refrences children have leanred to be empethic by the time they are 4-5. Basically, they behave how they were taught. And they were taught by how the caregivers in their life treated them or each other. Ouch! Ouch! OUCH!

It was at that point that it dawned on me. Our little C says "after this" or "when I'm done with" or "when I'm ready" because I do the same thing to her. Just that morning, around 5:30 am, she came into our room and wanted "juice and a snack". We had her snack left from last night so we gave her that but she wanted juice. I told "in a minute, mamma is exhausted". Yup. That is where she learned it. I realized that I have been doing this to her often lately. After I"m done with this chapter, or after I finish watching the news, or can mamma just sleep for 10 more minutes. Yup, those little sponges emulate the behavior set before them. So now when she asks, unless it is absolutely unavoidable, I get up and do what she wants. She does need to say "please" and "thank you". Also, it is not for every little whim she has. Mostly it is when she is hungry or thirsty. She does not get the "surprise" when she wants it or a gift just because she is demanding one. We are reasonable, but I'm more aware of the "after this" or "when I'm done" aspects. She still has to wait to interrupt conversations and in situations like that, but overall I'm adjusting my behavior when warranted. I don't want to raise an over demanding child either. Balance, right?