Present Over Perfect (reflection)

Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist

Reflection from the readings and to use in class next week during the discussion.

 Before the semester started, and I was ordering books, I read the titles and looked up the options for the independent reading assignemnt. This novel sounded like something I needed to read because I always feel the need to be perfect and I miss out on what is truly happening or the meaning of the situation because I want it just right. Homework, Christmas, Easter, Birthdays, the house, work, church, appearance, you name it, I want it to look like I have my sh*t together. I don't. lol

The description of her life seems to parallel mine at the moment, specifically 2020. It started last year when seminary started. I knew it was going to take a lot of my time, and family time away from us because of school work, but I didn't realize just how much. I tried to carve out time for C and Luke, but it didn't happen without consequences in my schoolwork not getting done. Giving myself permission to skip some items and ask for extensions was liberating. Then in 2020 I was gone for 3 week for J-Term in the Holy Land, home for 5 days and then off to prolog week for 6 more days, home for 1.5 days and then to green bay for C's eyes for 2 days and I was so far behind that the next three weeks were catch up. Family time was non-existant as I tried to help a new secretary at work, do my homework, catch up at my job (maybe even get ahead) and catch up with home stuff. It was go, go, go and then we were all sick. Ugh.

She made a conscious effort to change her running busy life to one of contemplation and silence. She learned to say "no" even though her career may suffer for the benefit of her family.

She boilded it down to Love. God's love, love for family, and love for herself. Self care became a priority. Less was more. Time was precious and spending time with her littles was a newfound blessings. She mentioned being envious of a friends life was what helped to have her slow down and make the changes she did. I found myself jealous of her and the fact she was able to step back.

She said you get to choose who you disappoint. "what you need along the way: a sense of God's deep, unconditional love, and a strong sense of your own purpose. Without those two, you'll have from people what is only God's to give, and you'll give up on your larger purpose in order to fulfill smaller purposes or other people's purposes" (pg. 53 on my kindle). choosing who to say no to is liberating yet difficult. However, if it is to say no to those things you seek that God can provide. God deserves the Yes while the others deserve the no.

Throughout the reading, I wondered if this was a book I was to take to heart or one to learn from for the future. I saw myself in Shauna's experiences, feelings, and writing. Seminary is tough work. Being a pastor is time consuming and could become all encompassing without boundaries and parameters put on expectations. The next three and a half years are going to be a struggle to juggle time with family, school needs, and work. I've already let go of many items. I need to let go of more.

If I took the lessons from this book to heart, I would stop seminary right now, find a full-time 9-5 job in an office and spend more time with family. However, I would not be fulfilled. This calling would not be fulfilled. So, I am going to take her ideas to heart. Work life so that I have more time for C and Luke and focus on me. School is a priority but not the top one and I"ll get it done. Right now C is spending much needed time with her Papa and her daddy. The men are learning to care for C without me and I am learning to let them care for her as well. C and I will have our morning time together. Our morning hug and kiss before she heads to her job, daycare and learning, while momma heads to hers of school and work. Maybe not so many extra classes on top of the required ones would help the load but the learning suffers. it is a juggling act that will turn out in the end.

 I pray this is the plan.