Election Day 1

 Just watched a video and read comments on a post. It was a celebrety that was also preaching about following God. he called for a revival and that voting the way God would want you. To protect yoruself because of the possible civil war that is going to happen in a few hours/days. Arm yourself because God said to pick up your weapon and sell your cloak if you did not have a weapon. I started listening becasue I thought it was going the way I thought, toward voting democratic. I was wrong. Although it was never mentioned which way to vote, looking at the comments and his facebook page, it was obvious it was pro-Trump. https://www.facebook.com/watch/moonshinertyler/ the video was titled: 2020 Election and Civil War

I started a response and was going to post it on the page. I could not actually hit send. I am a coward when it comes to being rebuked and honestly, did not want to deal with the push back that would likely happen on that page. I am going to do a response and I'll post it on here as well.

This was my initial response:

Are you serving the Lord? This country is divided. Neither side is for God. You can proof text from the Hebrew Bible (OT) but the NT calls for caring for the hungry, the sick, the poor. Turn the other cheek. Lay down all that you have and follow Jesus. We are called to protect the vulnerable. Jesus was a refugee. Would we recognize Jesus today? Jesus in Luke 6 begins to teach about the ideal way to live. Are we living that way today? Neither party is living out the Christian ideals. One leader is known for violating the commandments given to us and the other has sinned a well. Humans sin. One claims and promotes a religious stance, one quietly lives out those beliefs. One has been served and one serves. One seeks power, one seeks unity. One looks out for some, one looks out for all. I know this won't change anyone's mind. Pride is difficult in that way. Seeing opposition in the other is one way to live. Seeing God in all people is another. This world is living in sin. The world overall is sinful. Humans are sinful. It is dying each day to sin and doing good works because of God's love. God does not run from us. God is always there, waiting on sinful humans to wake up. You don't chase down God. You don't run after God to find favor in God. God is waiting on you. God is there. God is everywhere, working in and through each of us, in all forms, in all places. God is good. We are a country built on separation of church and state. That is one freedom that is fought and died for. Jesus acknowledged the state as an establishment and not of God's Kingdom when he stated "give to Caesar what is his and give to God what is God's." (Mt 22.21) Christian's cannot serve two masters, serve God. Choose according to how God and Jesus would want for the one who treat each other in the ways that Jesus taught. 

My official response:

Your message is interesting. As a fellow Christian and sibling in Christ, I will agree to disagree on where God leads me in following what the Bible teaches that Jesus would want me to uphold. Using the beatitudes a a starting place, turning the other cheek, and looking out for the other, that is where I will start. Your message is strong. As a sibling, it is common to disagree. Theology will do that. Debate is often held. Proof-texting certain parts and not taking the whole NT into account with such a strong focus on the OT (Hebrew Bible) is interesting. Blessings to all. 

response to Pro Life Posts

 

Banning abortion, even if it is "wrong" in the eye of the beholder, will not stop abortion. They occurred before Roe v Wade (hence the law suit) and will happen after. Now it is regulated and controlled. Abortion numbers are down because of access to health care, birth control options, and will go down when the "need" is no longer there. With higher living wages, healthcare options, easier access to adoption, adequate housing options, universal access to mental health care, greater access to supports for families, single parent households, etc. and

Neither party is perfect. There are so many issues.

This picture is more Pro-birth not pro-life. A mother's life is also valuable or does the value of a life stop once it is out of the uterus?

It is not always done as a "birth-control" method like some would like everyone believe. I'm sure there are some that are. Their are also stories about heart breaking, life altering events, where both lives are at the root of the issue.

Not caring for the poor, the immigrants, the sick, the naked, the homeless, the underemployed, the elderly, the differently able, etc. is Wrong as well.

not finished in my lifetime

For a class we had to write about "isms" in our life. Prior to this journey, I thought I had dealt with the "isms" in my views and perceptions.

I was wrong.

One area we are focusing on is racism. Systemic racism within communities and the Church. In my fieldwork class, we read a portion of a novel from Ta-Nehisi Coates' book "Between The World and Me". I was curious about the excerpt because I didn't understand the references to "body" and other ideas. I decided to do a search for more information and found many, many YouTube videos of his interviews for his books and found on this this book. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xRq4wx5wnE) My eyes were opened about a different way to think about this as it seems so overwhelming to change an entire denomination's outlook on inclusion in my ministry. Mr. Coates explains around minute 47 of the video the longstanding fight of the African American people from slavery and beyond. Paraphrased he said that it was exceedingly rare to see real change in one lifetime. He referenced slavery being 250 years in our country and those who fought against in during the middle years around 1750 would have had 3-4 generations behind them a slaves and 3-4 generations before them as slaves, yet they fought. He also said that your vision is impoverished if you thinking you will see it (whatever you are fighting for) to be realized in your lifetime. Wow. I have felt so guilty lately for not being able to see how this change could happen right now in my little home congregation. I feel a bit of relief or grace to hear that I can work for equality and working for inclusion of all "isms" in the Church yet it is okay if it does not happen totally in my tenure as a pastor. But I have to fight. I have to work on my and the places I minister to work toward inclusion of all God's family to be included and loved.

This will be a long road. For myself, I have many preconceived notions and learned behaviors and thoughts to move beyond. I have much learning to do. I have much to pray about and discern. There is a lot of work to do in our congregaitons through God's love and to be open to loving all.

It will not be easy, but I will work toward a more inclusive world, church, home, and life.

Scapegoats during the Pandemic

Anxiety is high in the US and around the world. Anxiety is higher than normal in Michigan this since the stay-at-home orders have come down form the governor. This is like a cover on a boiling pot. It can either explode or simmer down depending on the heat that is thrown on the fire. Who throws that heat onto the fire is each person. We stoke our fires.

"I'm not anxious" is a statement I hear a lot or "I don't have anxiety". Unfortunately, mental health issues are seen as a weakness and those who need the help, especially now, are not finding the help.

Our society has become a society that places blame everywhere in order to survive. I know that I place blame on others for little things that I cannot control. My daughter doesn't sleep though the night. Other's don't follow deadlines. The police are too picky with speed limit overage. The stores charge too much for pop. It is easy to place blame when it is something I cannot control or I don't want to control. Could I work on a sleep pattern with my daughter, yes. Could I ignore her cries at night, yes. Could I follow the speed limits on the roadways, yes. Could I set up boundary lines that I don't work around to please everyone, yes. Are there things I could do that I choose to blame others for, yes.

I think we all do.

Do I blame the governor for taking away my rights? I could say yes and call there all these names. I could say she is doing it for the good of the state. I could go off blaming democrats for this or the republicans for that. I could go off and blame those still going to store, to parks, and protesting or I could look at myself and what I am doing.

I/We, in my household, have chosen to abide by the stay-at-home as much as possible. However, we have not been strict about it. We have chosen to support local establishments that are still open for meals out, chains and local. I have run to the local grocery stores and gone inside as well as opted for pick up from a big box store. I carry hand sanitizer in the car and use it as well as wear my mask at the store and when we go in to pick up food. My husband is still working and he is taking precautions when he comes home. We are not visiting family that does not live with us. We take walks around the block and converse with neighbors, from a safe distance. We also go for drives when being in the house is just too much to handle anymore. We are blessed with the options we have during this time. We worship from home with our current pastor and a former one. I would say more "church" happens in this home since the pandemic hit than before.

Social media is a soul sucking medium that I allow into my life. Often I have to distance from it in order to get things done. You can find out what is happening in almost every state just by looking at the video feature on Facebook. One can also find worship services from all over the world, reflections from pastors, seminarians and others. One can find the conspiracy theories, commentaries, reruns of news feeds and late night monologues, and individual rants and raves. Groups to support your thoughts and beliefs abound. Even Facebook has joined the bandwagon to intercede with warnings for false information about the virus and other videos shared online.

I am overwhelmed by the number of forwarded videos and posts I have received in the last month. (Just an FYI 99.9% of what is sent to me dies a lonely death in my inbox if it is not a personal message.) I have blocked certain websites and posting parties, stopped following a few sites, and wish I could figure out how to block a few people from seeing the posts I put on Facebook (haha).

This week has come to a apex (I hope) in people's tolerance or intolerance for others. Finding a scapegoat is the way many cope. In an article written by Rev. Dr. Craig Nessan, he references Rene Girard who states that "scapegoating" is often done in times of high anxiety. Those who commit the scapegoating "genuinely believe their course of action to be justified" (Nessen, 396) and that is ringing true in our pandemic situation here. Some Michiganders, and others around the US, are blaming the governor and calling her everything from a tyrant to Hitler for the newest stay-at-home order because they are upset they cannot use motorboats or buy flowers and seeds at big box stores over 50,000 square feet. Thousands traveled to the state capital, some drove over 300 miles, and caused "gridlock" in the capital. The original idea was to stay in your car, drive slow, social distance, and be respectful to the medical community. The idea, though intentions were positive, did not come to fruition as people gathered on the lawn, didn't use protective gear, and mingled within six feet of each other. Even police were seen without the protective gear. Reports of medical workers and ambulances not being able to get to the local hospital were reported and it is a level 1 trauma hospital from what I read.

How have we come to this point in our society? A rhetorical question because the answer is too disheartening to want to know for sure. Why do we allow ourselves to look at what is good for use compared to the good of society.

I am trying to take the governor and her colleagues at their word that this is all for the good of the people and the restrictions will be lifted and all the "freedomes" will come back when things settle down. Will that be in two weeks, a month, a year, or longer. Do I even want things to go back to "normal"? What is normal? Should it go back to normal?

Some things I would like to come out of this situation?
1. Seeing smiles from others again.
2. Visiting family and human contact with loved ones.
3. Keep spending time as a family unit, eating together.
4. Worshiping in person with others in a physical place and visiting other congregations.
5. Not running the rat race of activities, meetings, work, and "life".
6. Going out to eat and a movie

I pray that we all survive this time of high anxiety and fear. I pray that we can come together as a human family and unite behind those who are vulnearable. I pray we will all give each other some grace to just be.

Thank you to all who are working to be contientious of our fellow humans. Thank you to all those who are on the front lines and don't have the option to not work and not stay home. Thank you to all who are looking out for their fellow humans even if others are not looking out for themselves.

Thank you all!

Blessings
Melissa

Congratulations and Condolances to the Class of 2020

Dear Class of 2020

Congratulation on all the accomplishments over the past 18 years. Your young lives have experienced so much that you are/were not able to comprehend. You were born into the aftermath of a national tragedy. You grew up only knowing foreign wars and an undercurrent of dislike or hatred for others based on nationality or religion. Your parents rejoiced and cried a bit on your first day of preschool, kindergarten and each year since. You survived elementary school and learning to tie your shoes and slip on your winter clothes to be at the front of the line to get the best swing or your group could get the best part of the sledding hill. You learned "new" math and have survived algebra and, for some, calculus. Graphic organizers have been mastered and, hopefully, retained to help you when you have to write in the future. Science class prepared you to cultivate your gardens and create, experiment, and test your hypothesis for fixing the furnace (or anything you run into) on your own later in life. You survived middle school, hopefully unharmed, and survived the first 3.5 years of high school. Some completed sports seasons, some tried out. Some mastered the arts in theater and muisc while others focused on social justice issues or were socially awkward. Congratulations. You made it to your senior year. You are on your way to life after high school. Congratulations.

Condolances on all you will miss during the last few months of your senior year. These are huge in your life. Things that only happen during your senior year. I/We acknowledge you are missing out on so many things. Nothing adults can say will ease this pain. It is real to you and that is the most important. It only makes us feel better to "justify" the losses.

In this time, grieve for what you have missed. Take the time to be angry, scream, cry out, cuss, do what you need to do. Take time to pray. Pray for healing, for acceptance, and for opportunities to emerge from this time of disappointment.

I/We grieve with you. It doesn't matter what other generations have gone though. This is YOUR reality. YOUR time of trial. YOUR losses. YOUR disappointments. YOUR life. Allow yourself time to grieve. Allow yourself time to heal.

Look forward to the summer and fall. What is next on your list of accomplishments. Do you plan to start college? Did you have a job lined up? Are you applying at the work bank for a job? Did you have a job you will return to? Could you start your own business and/or do something you love?

The world is open to any and all possibilities for you. Your class, the Class of 2020 is strong, resiliant, and will overcome this time of trial to be triumphant and show this world that missing a graduation ceremony is nothing compared to all the great things this class, YOU, will achieve.

Blessings to each and every member of the Class of 2020.

How has cyberbullying personally affected you?

(From a scholarship application) 

 

How has cyberbullying personally affected you?

Free speech and social media combine to create a culture where humans believe is it acceptable to speak all thoughts that come to mind without consideration for others. Unfortunately, cyberbullying is not confined to school age humans. Bullying has occurred throughout the ages for all age groups. However, with the popularity and accessibility of social media, it occurs more frequently and is more vicious.

            As someone who has experienced bullying throughout life, social media brings history into the present. Humans hide behind screens to attack others, particularly strangers. On a post for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, my House of Representatives representative wrote about equality for all, to “recommit to his legacy of compassion, love, and service,”[1] to help everyone, and to promote minorities. My comment asked him to “remember all those oppressed in the US and around the world and those without basic human rights.”[2] It continued to ask him to look at the Israel/Palestine situation. One comment was on “my hate” that came through in this post. Additional attacks came from strangers with many assumptions. Granted, nothing in this post threatened my life, my wellbeing, or my family. I know many on social media experience death threats and are put down or humiliated. This is one little way that many people assume things about others because of a belief that is expressed.

            In these days of the pandemic for COVID-19, the worst sides of people are shown all the ways. Often these are tied to politics. The democratic Governor Whitmer of Michigan has been called a Nazi, dictator, and vulgar feminine terms because of the stay-home stay-safe orders enacted under her constitutional rights during the emergency declaration. Some of these comments are done by other representatives and leaders. If this can be done, then what does that teach other humans, especially the teenage ones who are watching and old enough to remember what is happening as they grown into adults.

            The change is systemic just as the idea of bullying is systemic. Humans, for the most part, continue the attitudes and carry on the values learned in the home. There are times when change occurs though the “black sheep” in the family that turns either for the better or the worse. Changing the bullying is difficult. Yes, it has been around since the beginning of time. There has always been a power struggle; however, through examples of love, compassion, positive expressions, and tolerance will slowly change the lives of other humans. Leadership and those in power need to be the be the beacon of hope. Someone who can overcome the negative, hatred, nasty comments, and address those with love, compassion, positive expressions and tolerance. I will emulate those examples in my life and work toward a more accepting world.

---

[1] Rep. Jack Bergman, Facebook Post, January 20, 2020.

[2] Rep. Jack Bergman, Facebook Post Comment by Melissa Salminen, January 20, 2020

March 17: Change of focus for today and our world

March 15, St. Patrick's Day!

Day 1 of home schooling, day 6 of social distancing, and day 7 of too much information overload.

Blessings and prayers to all who are going this this experience of the COVID-19 together.

In the UP it is social isolation, in your homes, take-out is the only option for entertainment, unless you go the casino or one of the few local worship services in person. This also leave so many isolated in the nursing homes, hospitals, adult care facilities, senior housing, foster care facilities, group homes, and homeless.

During this time and in my seminary journey, I have a course that requires fieldwork. Getting out into the public to see how to bridge the gap between community and church or to be the church in community. Last semester was amazing. I worked at Trillium Hospice House and so excited to get back there to help out in so many ways. Hiccups in the procedures started and last Thursday we finally had everything ready to go, meeting Friday morning to plan out how to help in the next couple months. Then the sanctions from the state government started to roll out. School are going to close for 3 weeks. Mandatory visitor restrictions to all senior care facilities. Well, helping at Trillium was no longer an option for the immediate future. Where to go from there?

Well, one way is to keep this blog going. The experiences of a Yooper in Seminary and what does that look like in today's world. Not sure if the content and ramblings posted will change the focus. Hopes for this is as a place of reflection for things I have learned along the way. Ideas to help out parents with kids as we try this home schooling with a 3 year old and her 70 year old Papa while momma is in school during the day and getting homework done. Thoughts and ideas of being involved in churches but not in leadership roles that hold weight in decision making capacities. Reflections on the ideas of what it means to be a Lutheran church in today's socieity of a pandemic and the aftermath. Frustrations, celebrations, ideas, trials, victories...everything is one the table.

I also hope to form a prayer reflection page on Facebook as a place to start to gather those who are worried or concerned but don't have someplace to turn. Maybe it will work, maybe it will flop. As an introvert, the social media is a great platform. Not excited about videos but I'll even try my hand at some of those as well.

I'll admit that emotions and anxiety is high at this point. Anxious that if the numbers do not sore like they have around the world, people will think we overreacted and not heed warnings the next time we have any type of crisis. Concern that we are over reacting and this is just a media frenzy that we have taken seriously. Hopeful that the measure taken will result in all those who need health care will have it available when needed. Concerned that the markets are in free-fall and a recession/depression is on the horizon. Hopeful it passes quickly. Fearful that loss of life and the loss of a close loved one is inevitable.

Lord, we thank you for the sun shining outside that promises spring to come. Spring that brings new life and rebirth to nature and to our communities. In this time of trial and tribulation, when we are inundated with media, press conferences, new of positive test cases, fear of overwhelmed medical facilities, and confused on the right course to take, we turn to you and to your loving embrace. Holy Spirit, lead us through this time of trial and help us to focus on you and your saving grace. Be with, hold up, and renew all those on the front lines of this pandemic, the doctors, nurses, hospital staff, emergency services, government leaders, Church leaders, and all those struggling with fear and anxiety. Grant us all peace, through your Son, our risen Lord, Amen.

Present Over Perfect (reflection)

Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist

Reflection from the readings and to use in class next week during the discussion.

 Before the semester started, and I was ordering books, I read the titles and looked up the options for the independent reading assignemnt. This novel sounded like something I needed to read because I always feel the need to be perfect and I miss out on what is truly happening or the meaning of the situation because I want it just right. Homework, Christmas, Easter, Birthdays, the house, work, church, appearance, you name it, I want it to look like I have my sh*t together. I don't. lol

The description of her life seems to parallel mine at the moment, specifically 2020. It started last year when seminary started. I knew it was going to take a lot of my time, and family time away from us because of school work, but I didn't realize just how much. I tried to carve out time for C and Luke, but it didn't happen without consequences in my schoolwork not getting done. Giving myself permission to skip some items and ask for extensions was liberating. Then in 2020 I was gone for 3 week for J-Term in the Holy Land, home for 5 days and then off to prolog week for 6 more days, home for 1.5 days and then to green bay for C's eyes for 2 days and I was so far behind that the next three weeks were catch up. Family time was non-existant as I tried to help a new secretary at work, do my homework, catch up at my job (maybe even get ahead) and catch up with home stuff. It was go, go, go and then we were all sick. Ugh.

She made a conscious effort to change her running busy life to one of contemplation and silence. She learned to say "no" even though her career may suffer for the benefit of her family.

She boilded it down to Love. God's love, love for family, and love for herself. Self care became a priority. Less was more. Time was precious and spending time with her littles was a newfound blessings. She mentioned being envious of a friends life was what helped to have her slow down and make the changes she did. I found myself jealous of her and the fact she was able to step back.

She said you get to choose who you disappoint. "what you need along the way: a sense of God's deep, unconditional love, and a strong sense of your own purpose. Without those two, you'll have from people what is only God's to give, and you'll give up on your larger purpose in order to fulfill smaller purposes or other people's purposes" (pg. 53 on my kindle). choosing who to say no to is liberating yet difficult. However, if it is to say no to those things you seek that God can provide. God deserves the Yes while the others deserve the no.

Throughout the reading, I wondered if this was a book I was to take to heart or one to learn from for the future. I saw myself in Shauna's experiences, feelings, and writing. Seminary is tough work. Being a pastor is time consuming and could become all encompassing without boundaries and parameters put on expectations. The next three and a half years are going to be a struggle to juggle time with family, school needs, and work. I've already let go of many items. I need to let go of more.

If I took the lessons from this book to heart, I would stop seminary right now, find a full-time 9-5 job in an office and spend more time with family. However, I would not be fulfilled. This calling would not be fulfilled. So, I am going to take her ideas to heart. Work life so that I have more time for C and Luke and focus on me. School is a priority but not the top one and I"ll get it done. Right now C is spending much needed time with her Papa and her daddy. The men are learning to care for C without me and I am learning to let them care for her as well. C and I will have our morning time together. Our morning hug and kiss before she heads to her job, daycare and learning, while momma heads to hers of school and work. Maybe not so many extra classes on top of the required ones would help the load but the learning suffers. it is a juggling act that will turn out in the end.

 I pray this is the plan.

Parenting Gut Check A

OK, so over the last 3 years I have had many parenting gut checks. For the purposes of this experience, I'm starting with A.

Our family, my father, husband, and myself, have been struggling with our little girl (3) with listening to us and following directions. It is constant that we ask her something and she says "in a minute" or "after this" or "when I'm ready".  Often this happens when we are trying to get out the door to go somewhere or in a hurry for some reason or another. We are always in a hurry these days.

I was getting so frusterated with her and not sure of where to turn for advice.

I didn't have to go anywhere. God put it in my lap.

While reading The Lost Art of Listening by Michael P Nichols, PhD, I was gut punched. I was so taken aback and shameful that I left my reading, found my husband and told him what needed to change for me. I have learned that I need to use I statements and not we, then things sometimes change but I'll take ownership and hopefully the others will too.

In the section "The Listened-To Child is a Confident Child" (pg 36), it refrences children have leanred to be empethic by the time they are 4-5. Basically, they behave how they were taught. And they were taught by how the caregivers in their life treated them or each other. Ouch! Ouch! OUCH!

It was at that point that it dawned on me. Our little C says "after this" or "when I'm done with" or "when I'm ready" because I do the same thing to her. Just that morning, around 5:30 am, she came into our room and wanted "juice and a snack". We had her snack left from last night so we gave her that but she wanted juice. I told "in a minute, mamma is exhausted". Yup. That is where she learned it. I realized that I have been doing this to her often lately. After I"m done with this chapter, or after I finish watching the news, or can mamma just sleep for 10 more minutes. Yup, those little sponges emulate the behavior set before them. So now when she asks, unless it is absolutely unavoidable, I get up and do what she wants. She does need to say "please" and "thank you". Also, it is not for every little whim she has. Mostly it is when she is hungry or thirsty. She does not get the "surprise" when she wants it or a gift just because she is demanding one. We are reasonable, but I'm more aware of the "after this" or "when I'm done" aspects. She still has to wait to interrupt conversations and in situations like that, but overall I'm adjusting my behavior when warranted. I don't want to raise an over demanding child either. Balance, right?

Educated on White Privilege (never done)

This semester has been a gut check type of semester. Growing up, I was always so upset by racist jokes or sexist jokes. I was so proud that I looked beyond color while I was living in my very white area of the country. My doctor was from India, a friend in high school was from India, another friend was Korean, and I was open to meeting all kids of people. I'm not a racist.

In college I was confronted with different lifestyles and met face to face with multiple races. I was ok with anyone doing what they wanted, just don't flaunt it and we are all good.

While I was teaching, I made sure to not focus on any student and avoided direct confrontations. Students can be who they want to be, just don't upset the apple cart.

The community I live in, historically was mainline, status quo, white middle-class, keep to yourself and it is all good. Recently this has started to change. I didn't mind because I was open to any lifestyles, just don't upset the apple cart.

Then February started and the gut-checks started.

What exactly is racism. Who are us and who are them? Who are the marginalized? Why can they not better themselves? Why do I have to change in order for others to be OK. Why can't they just fit in?

Education. I thought seminary was going to be study of the bible, what are we supposed to tell others to believe, and this is how to perform the sacraments. I was wrong.

The first diversity training in February started to open my eyes to the possibility that I had this whole marginalized thing wrong. In reading I'm Still Here by Austin Channing Brown, my eyes were opened up to the amount of hurt caused by "not upsetting the apple cart". Maybe the apple cart does need to be upset. Reading and processing the perspective given through the reading, I realized that it is not just a city issue. It is happening in our own backyards. The racial divide is being perpetuated by our community by going in and have to "fix" another area. Why are the areas of Appalachia looked down upon? Why is the inner city of Detroit or Chicago viewed as less than? So often our youth groups and other charity groups go into these communities to fix them and then move on. Do they need to be fixed or do they need pathways for change?

Society needs to change. The white leadership needs to change the way it leads. But how? That seems to be the biggest quesiton. Do small things help in the big picture? Can I do something that will effect and affect change in our world?

One think I do know is that I have to work on me. How that looks, not positive yet. But I do that I have to work on my views of all those who do not inhabit my body. How I view men, children, races, orientations, identification, everything. It is all in an upheaval in my brain.

That is what education is for. I'm being formed over these 4 years and beyond. Formed to love all of God's creation.

Looking back, it has been been since October 2nd that I have been too busy to be on here. Was it avoidance? Was it lack of time? What caused this break in time. Lots of things. Mostly, it was lack of desire to write and the overwhelming need to write on the reading for the day that I didn't have time to complete.

So. Let's try something different. I'm not sure anyone actually reads this besides me and that is quite fine. It is my time to reflect, vent, ponder, open up and just be with my thoughts in a place that may or may not be seen by others. Some posts will be short, some long, and many are guaranteed to be random. Hopefully it is everyday, but it may not be. It will all play out in the end.

Trying to get back in to the idea of accountability for Spiritual Practices for school, the book Sacred Pauses by April Yamasaki is the book for this semester. It lays out different ways to take a moment throughout the day to be present and become renewed.

Thus far this semester, I have been trying to keep my head above water or at least not drown while I have slipped under the surface. Trying to keep up with all the reading, writing, classes, and social aspects of Seminary along with the demands of work and the joy found in family, it often overwhelming. I know that I have this through God who strengthens me.

My 3-year-old knows it is time for mommy to do school work and that she cannot interrupt me in the office. Is that a good thing? I miss her so much when I hear her running around playing and having fun with daddy or papa and I'm down in the office with the door closed trying to get things done. Last weekend, I asked my husband to take her to my in-laws so I could do school work and not feel guilty for not playing with her or giving the tubby or getting her dressed. Last night I took her to a finance meeting at church because I wanted to spend time with her if I wasn't stuck in a book or on the computer writing or in a meeting/class.

I need to find a balance, and this might just be the way. Maybe. It is worth a shot.

Back to the book. Chapter 1 states to find an ordinary object to use and when it is visible to take a moment and pray, reflect, or whatever but be reminded to just be and breathe. I need to find that object for me. I think I know what I want to use, but I need to find the box it is packed away in yet. I'll keep the blog updated. lol

Chapter 2 says to start journal or reflecting. I am going to try this as the journal aspect. It is not as private as a book, that I will probably misplace, or an online software, that costs money, but it is a place that if I don't promote it, maybe it will stay semi private and free. I can hope. And if someone is actually interested in this journey enough to read these random topics, venting, and reflection sections, maybe they will pray for me, the struggles I am having, or donate to the wish list I have on amazon for books that I cannot afford but need to purchase. Or send a cash donation to pay for daycare or many of the other needs.

Chapter 3 says to find silence. That is something that is both extremely difficult and easy as well. It is difficult because to find the time to just sit with my thoughts is often difficult. Previously, I would have music or the TV on in the background all the time. Now I find that the silence of just my thoughts and readings are needed. I never really paid attention to what was on the TV or radio while studying but not things have changed.

Chapter 4 asks us to look at scripture. That is the one aspect that I have struggled with for many, many years. It is something to focus on this year. The Bible is so daunting in the size and scope. Where to begin. I liked the ideas she proposes to look at topics, maybe chunk up the reading, other other options.

We will see how this all goes.

Blessings on the day
MS